14 Keys to a Happy and Healthy Marriage: What 14 Years of Love, Faith, and Purpose Taught Us
- Lalyn Cubillas
- Mar 8
- 6 min read
It has been 14 years since we said “I do,” yet it feels like it happened only yesterday.
Fourteen years of love, learning, raising our children, overcoming challenges, and discovering what it truly means to love your spouse the way God intended.
Marriage has a way of revealing who you are. It stretches you, refines you, and sometimes humbles you.
But when two people commit not just to each other but to God’s purpose for their union, something beautiful happens.
Over the years, my husband and I have learned that marriage is not sustained by romance alone. Romance is wonderful, but it cannot carry a relationship through seasons of stress, parenting, responsibilities, and life’s unexpected turns.
One teaching that deeply shaped how I view marriage comes from Dr. Myles Munroe, who often said that when purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. The same principle applies to marriage. When couples do not understand the purpose of marriage, they often misuse it, misunderstand each other, and struggle unnecessarily.
As we celebrate our 14th anniversary, I want to share 14 keys we continue to learn and practice in our marriage. These are not perfect lessons from perfect people, but honest reflections from a couple committed to growing in love the Kingdom way.
You do not marry because you want a companion, or to become happy, or to feel loved. You marry because you know that it was designed to fulfill a divine purpose.
When two people understand that their union is meant to serve something greater than themselves, the relationship gains direction and purpose. Instead of asking, “What can I get from this marriage?” you begin to ask, “What are we building together?”
Purpose gives marriage meaning beyond emotion.
2. Choose the Right Person
Many people focus on the wedding day, but the real question is who you choose to marry.
Compatibility in values, faith, and purpose matters more than temporary attraction. The right spouse is someone who walks with you toward God’s calling, not someone who pulls you away from it.
Love at the right time with the right person saves years of unnecessary pain.
3. Love Is a Daily Decision
Feelings come and go, but love is a choice you make every day.
Some days are easy. Other days require patience, forgiveness, and grace. But choosing to love, especially during difficult moments, strengthens the foundation of marriage.
Love grows stronger not by accident but by consistent decisions to honor one another.
4. Learn the Kingdom Way of Loving
Over the years, my husband and I have learned that loving your spouse means learning to love like Christ loved the church.
That kind of love is patient. It serves. It forgives. It protects. It sacrifices.
It is not selfish love; it is purposeful love.
5. Grow Together Spiritually
One of the greatest gifts in marriage is growing in faith together.
Praying together, seeking God together, and aligning your family with His will strengthen the bond between husband and wife.
When God is at the center, the marriage becomes anchored even during storms.
6. Respect Matters as Much as Love
Marriage is often shown in the small, ordinary moments, the things many people may not even notice.
Sometimes it looks like placing a towel behind my husband after a long day, preparing his tea in the morning, or giving a quick massage when I know he’s tired. Many days, it simply means preparing meals for him and for our family, not as an obligation, but as an expression of love and care.
And respect flows both ways.
There are days when my husband understands that I need to rest, especially during those times when my body feels weak or when emotions run high. He knows when to give me a quiet day, when to be patient with my mood swings, and when I simply need a little extra tenderness. There are moments when he chooses to serve me too, when he senses that what I need most is comfort, understanding, or just a gentle reminder that I am loved.
In marriage, you begin to learn each other’s rhythms.
You learn when your spouse needs strength, when they need patience, and when they simply need someone to care for them.
Some people might think that serving one another diminishes your value. But in reality, it does the opposite. Choosing to serve each other does not reduce your worth; it deepens your humility and reflects the beauty of mutual submission in love.
When a husband feels respected, he thrives.
When a wife feels valued, she flourishes.
And when both partners choose to honor each other in the little things, love becomes a place where both hearts feel safe, secure, and deeply cherished.
7. Communication Is the Lifeline
Misunderstandings happen in every marriage.
The key is not avoiding conflict but learning how to talk honestly and listen humbly. Sometimes the most healing words are simple ones: “I’m sorry,” or “Help me understand.”
8. Forgiveness Is Non-Negotiable
Forgiveness is not weakness. Love does not demand perfection; it chooses grace again and again.
Sometimes forgiveness is needed in the big things. But many times, it is required in the small, everyday disappointments that come when reality does not match our expectations.
Forgive when your husband is not like the oppa you see in Korean dramas, always saying the perfect words or doing the grand romantic gestures. Real husbands are human, learning as they go, just like we are.
Forgive when your wife is not as “Coca-Cola body” as she once was years ago. Time, motherhood, responsibilities, and life itself change us. But love learns to see beauty beyond appearances.
Forgive when what you imagined marriage would be is different from what you experience. Marriage is not a perfect story; it is a journey of two imperfect people growing together.
When you forgive, you give each other the freedom to keep becoming better. You begin to help one another grow, mature, and develop into the people God designed you to be.
9. Protect Your Covenant
Marriage is not just a contract; it is a covenant.
That means protecting your relationship from anything that could weaken it: unhealthy influences, emotional distance, or misplaced priorities.
Guard your marriage!
10. Raise Your Children with Shared Vision
One of the greatest joys of our marriage has been raising our children together.
Parenthood teaches teamwork, patience, and sacrifice. Watching your children grow in faith and character becomes one of the greatest rewards of marriage.
Family becomes a living testimony of your shared purpose.
11. Stay Faithful to God’s Calling
Our journey has not been without challenges.
There were seasons that tested our patience, our strength, and our faith. Yet through it all, we chose to stay faithful to what God called us to do.
Purpose has a way of holding a marriage together when emotions are weak.
12. Celebrate the Small Moments
Marriage is not only about milestones.
It’s the ordinary days; the shared meals, the quiet conversations, the laughter at home that become the memories you treasure most.
13. Grow Individually
Healthy marriages allow both partners to grow as individuals.
When each person continues discovering their gifts, calling, and identity, the marriage becomes stronger because two whole people are walking together.
Purpose does not compete with marriage, it enriches it.
14. Keep Choosing Each Other
After 14 years, one truth remains clear: love is something you keep choosing.
Through seasons of change, parenting, responsibilities, and dreams, choosing each other again and again creates a marriage that matures beautifully.
Love deepens with time when both people remain committed to growing together.
Fourteen Years Later
Fourteen years of marriage had taught me that love grows stronger each day as we learn the Kingdom way of loving one another.
Marriage is not perfect, but when built on God’s design, it becomes the most powerful partnership on earth.
A Final Thought
If you are single, choose wisely.
Do not rush into marriage because of pressure, loneliness, or emotion. The right marriage at the right time with the right person can become one of the greatest blessings of your life.
And if you are married, remember this:
Love your spouse as Christ loved the church. Allow your marriage to become a reflection of God’s purpose and grace.
Continue the Journey
If you desire to discover the deeper meaning of your life and calling, I invite you to read my book UNSTOPPABLE: The Power of Purpose in Pursuing Your Vision and Unleashing Your Inner Strength.
You can also start with my free ebook, Finding Myself: A 10-Day Guide to Unlock Your Purpose, available on my website.
And for the moms who desire to strengthen their families through prayer, stay tuned for my upcoming book, A Mother’s Prayer Journal.
Because when you understand your purpose, every relationship, including marriage, begins to flourish.
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